I wanted to buy some black jeans. They should be straight leg, dark black, and not look like someone already wore them. I have sadly accepted that this will probably involve having the name of someone person I find a blight on society on them at purchase time, but I own a seam ripper and Dremel tool and will remove those markings at the earliest convenience.
First Nordstrom, since it's marginally closer to my apartment. No luck. The closest pair the guy could find was in his own admission "a very dark blue", ludicrously expensive, and fit horribly. I gave up and left, as the rest of the men's section was far dressier than interested me.
Second Macy's. After trolling the floor for a while and finding nothing, I asked a salesman. I respect his honesty for saying there was nothing really matching what I wanted - only two of my three criteria on any given pair.
This is quite confusing. The fickle whims of fashion are, and god willing will always be, something I don't understand. But this is a simple request for a very straightforward item.
I'm considering undertaking a general strike against pants of all form until my demands are met.